Clearly, however the cogs in the corporate enterprise software-industrial complex can’t understand it, so it will never be popular.

That’s great news for us.

It’s SCALAble, of course it’s for hipstergrammers. But it’s not JUST for hipstergrammers.

In the hipstergrammer world, NOT accepting a ridiculous amount of funding is selling out.

See the irony?

I think the best unintentional Node.js irony is summarized here: http://www.infoq.com/articles/multi-core-node-js

No. They use Ember.js.

It’s a weird, archaic language for making location-based social apps for iOS. Since it’s so mainstream right now, you can only use it if you pretentiously brag about how you used it years ago to build apps for your TI-83.

Go is pretty cool, but unfortunately it doesn’t cross-compile to JS so it’s pretty much useless for any application.

The most hipstergrammer search engine is, of course, Blekko.

It’s obvious that Heroku is your only hosting option, since hipstergrammers will never use a simple web host. Unfortunately, I do not think they are HTML-compatible, so it looks like you’ll need to use Node.js after all! Yay!