Why isn't Lisp more popular? It's clearly the most powerful language.

Clearly, however the cogs in the corporate enterprise software-industrial complex can’t understand it, so it will never be popular.

That’s great news for us.

is scala just java for hipsters?

It’s SCALAble, of course it’s for hipstergrammers. But it’s not JUST for hipstergrammers.

How much VC funding can I accept for my startup before I've sold out?

In the hipstergrammer world, NOT accepting a ridiculous amount of funding is selling out.

See the irony?

Do you block on your async calls just to be ironic?

I think the best unintentional Node.js irony is summarized here: http://www.infoq.com/articles/multi-core-node-js

Do the best JS developers use jQuery?

No. They use Ember.js.

Should I consider Objective-C a weird, archaic language, a wonderful revolutionary tool to create localization-based social apps for iOS or too mainstream given the success of Mac OS?

It’s a weird, archaic language for making location-based social apps for iOS. Since it’s so mainstream right now, you can only use it if you pretentiously brag about how you used it years ago to build apps for your TI-83.

Have you tried the Go language? It's kinda an edgy new language, but it's by Google which is pretty much THE MAN now. I'm torn. At least it's BSD licensed.

Go is pretty cool, but unfortunately it doesn’t cross-compile to JS so it’s pretty much useless for any application.

Hipstergrammers don't search with Google, it's totally mainstream. They only use duckduckgo, except when they're using Bing ironically.

The most hipstergrammer search engine is, of course, Blekko.

Sorry, just a little rant. I've been hired by this pseudo-luddite to put a menu for his cafeteria on his website. I've suggested node.js, he told me: "what, the other guy just used HTML and everything worked fine". Why doesn't people care about scalability?

It’s obvious that Heroku is your only hosting option, since hipstergrammers will never use a simple web host. Unfortunately, I do not think they are HTML-compatible, so it looks like you’ll need to use Node.js after all! Yay!